Monday, October 27, 2014


I am just going to sum up that year as the year of the mystery disease. After going to UT Southwestern to try and find out from multiple doctors in multiple specialties, we still don't know what it was but it hasn't happened since 2013. 2014 has been the year of the PTSD. It got to a point that attempted suicide twice (luckily I didn know the ants needed a both failed miserably). After finding out that my attempts could cause permanent liver damage as well as kidney damage, it made me thankful that I didn't die but not happy I didn't die in the wreck. It goy to the point that my work was being heavily effected and a look could send me off into a tearful panic attack for no reason. I got a psychiatrist who thought I needed some time away from the stress of work but that didn't do anything but more stress because of insurance issues. Finally, just from a lucky remark about my PTSD, someone told me about a therapist certified in the EMDR method of dealing with PTSD. THe woman went on and on about how the treatment had changed her and her daughters lives. Noting and respecting this woman's opinion as well as my own research on EMDR made get an appointment with my therapist. Getting ready for tomorrow's big day of actually beginning treatment has been different from any other therapy I have had. I felt that I was heard and the therapist was going to actually help me...not just ask how I felt about something. I feel it is important for me to chronicle this part of the journey because EMDR sounds like the answer to my prayers but is a very mentally challenging road to take. Hopefully I have found something that can shared to help others in similar emotional states. I might not be able to write for a couple of days because my therapist stated that most people feel so emotionally exhausted that many sleep 15 hours the day of the treatment 15 the next day too. I am excited about this journey and can't wait to share my successes and failures with everyone.