Thursday, August 5, 2010

Calm before the storm...

When your head is spinning from a toxic mix of drugs and emotions, it is hard to know how to begin to get your life back. You know there are things you need to do, have to do, but what and how?  Slowly you start to put together tiny pieces of your life. Shermaine was taking care of Bailey, Mary was taking care of Mom's store, between family and friends, they took care of everything they possibly could. HR was taking care of the paperwork and making sure that I had full paychecks as long as possible. Thankfully most of my bills and rent were on automatic payment and I had some savings to fall back on. Like the medical assessment I did in the car, I tried to do a life assessment. I had finally convinced myself that I hadn't driven into my apartment (yes, I was THAT sure it was real) so I felt secure in having a home to go back to. I knew my car was destroyed but had taken the optional insurance that pays your loan off and getting in a car was the last thing I wanted to think about anyway. I had my trusty iPhone so I was connected to the world again...even if people had no clue what my texts said. 

The days were still a blur that first week or so. My New Years Eve was spent getting a line put in my vein so they could give me medicine and take blood without having to continually poke me. Several of the nurses got really attached to me and did their best to make sure I didn't feel alone when the army of family and friends weren't at my side. One brought me chicken fried steak that her husband made and even managed to get me moved to the floor she was transferred to.  I remember the deputy that worked the accident calling to check on me. He said that he normally didn't get emotionally involved with wreck victims, that he couldn't. He said there was just something about Mom that got to him. He told me that she begged him to make sure the didn't take me to the hospital in Brownwood...where they were taking her. The hospital has a bad reputation and she wanted to know that I had the best possible care. He also said that, when he would say something about the wreck, it seemed like everyone knew Mom and talked about how wonderful she was. 

This was probably the easiest time for me. It was almost like the eye of the hurricane. I was still too numb to really grasp losing Mom and too drugged up to understand how badly I was hurt.  Unfortunately, you can't live in the eye forever...

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