Monday, August 9, 2010


That first step would be the only step I would take for a while but it was a huge emotional victory. It gave me some hope. 

As my birthday approached, the never ending stream of amazing friends and family kept me going. Two of my friends from high school drove up from Austin. Loria brought an old yearbook and we all laughed about old pictures and tried to figure out who some of the people on Facebook were. Amy brought me the first two books of the Twilight series. As hard as it might be to believe, I had no clue what Twilight was!  It was fun to laugh and talk about things that didn't involve the hospital or my injuries!  It was almost like going out to lunch with friends...I just wore a really ugly outfit!

The hardest visit came from one of Mom's best friends...L. Mom considered L an adopted daughter (as she did Mary) and she was one of the last people to talk to Mom before she died. Mom's last days were the biggest pieces missing from my month long nap. L told me that Mom knew she was not going to make it and she gave L a message for me. Mom wanted me to know that I was strong like she was and that she knew I would be ok. She also wanted me to know that she loved me for being there for everything. Even when she was dying, she was worried about me feeling guilty about not being there with her.  That was Mom...  

While I needed to hear everything, L also told me something that would haunt me. She told me that the morning Mom died she called L and begged her to come get her because Mom was terrified they had given her the wrong medicine.  L told her she was fine and that she would come visit her that night. That night was too late. Even though I know L loved Mom, she went to work after hearing Mom beg here to come to the hospital. To make things worse, the hospital in my hometown is not know for quality treatment and I feared that she had died because they did gave her the wrong medicine. If I had just been there!  Even though Mary had talked to the doctor that day and was able to reassure me that Mom was given the right medicine, I have never gotten over L not going to the hospital that morning. 

No matter how much it hurt, I had to concentrate on healing right now. I had to bury the emotions to prepare for what was coming graft surgery and then, finally, being able to go home to Plano and start rehab. Three birthday cakes later, a surgery date was set!

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